Trash or Treasure – Volume 19

10 Rules for Sleeping Around

And thus I returned from the pit known as finals week and we get to return to our regularly scheduled Trash or Treasure programming. This week you’ll be getting a double feature which means two movies in one day! Lucky you (unlucky me)! The first movie for this twisted mental game is 10 Rules for Sleeping Around, a movie on Netflix who’s preview includes a dude being hit with an oar sensually. The 2013 film starring Jesse Bradford and Chris Marquette, amongst other no-names, has been seated on my Trash or Treasure list since the Hot Bot days. No time to waste, let’s forge onwards.

The film opens with two ladies sitting at a restaurant in the rain talking about some emergency. I would’ve learned the ladies’ names but what disturbs me is the way all of the voice lines sound like terrible ADR. This is a good start. We then move to two dudes at a bar (because they’re men) as they discuss their marriages and threesome etiquette. We learn some more expositional things as people do stuff and we hear about the 10 rules for sleeping around as Cam (Vince’s wife) tells Kate (Ben’s wife(?)) and Vince (Cam’s husband) tells Ben (Kate’s husband(?)) about them.

Rolls credits, movie’s over.

We move on to a restaurant scene where Ben asks Kate to have a threesome together. This movie’s moving at a pretty quick pace, and Ben panics because Kate says yes and also some dude named Matt shows up. If the character motives weren’t so one dimensional this plot would be ridiculously hard to follow. There’s also some really weird voiceover thoughts that are here and it only makes this much harder to follow. The film then cuts to….a house party in LA starring some famous media mogul? Where are the main characters? Wait, what the fuck is happening?

It was the first time I asked this, but not the last.

Through so movie magic Vince and Cam end up at the same house together with some of their other sleeping around people. This is such a crazy film. Kate meets with her ex Matt, and there’s a wacky set of things that get put into motion as the plot happens. Cam is leaving for the Hamptons for her weekend fling, where this party is also happening, which is where Vince’s author is going to be stolen by the other media mogul. All of these four people end up at the house in the Hamptons through crazy coincidences. A lot of this film could’ve been easily avoided by not having 10 rules to sleep around. Oh, also Ben and Kate have some relationship issues because they don’t trust each other and don’t know how to communicate with each other.

Classic humans! Not knowing how to communicate and shit.

We continue on to Cam meeting with her weekend fling, Hugh, who is awfully immature. I suppose at this point I should clear up some of the crazy plot points. Vince is trying to convince an author to a book deal, Ben wants to spice up his relationship with Kate, Cam and Vince sleep around in their marriage to spice things up, and Kate wants to marry Ben. That’s the gist of it all, plus or minus (definitely plus) some crazy shit. Oh wait, also the maid is banging Owen, the house designer/part designer. Because there wasn’t enough going on in this maelstrom of a movie.

Picture: a proper movie maelstrom.

As Kate and Ben continue to yell at each other and pretend it’s communication, Vince arrives at the house and Cam and Kate clear out with Cam’s fling, whose dong you see a lot of. That’s right, you get to see some dong in this movie. If that’s your thing, Merry Christmas. Otherwise, welcome to the disappointment party. Continuing on down the rabbit hole, Vince has invited some Craig’slist girls to the Hamptons house which makes Cam jealous, even though she had a guy over. Also there’s a subplot with penis guy and the police and a dog.

Upgraded from weekend fling to penis guy in one quick scene.

We learn a whole lot of exciting things like how everyone involved doesn’t actually like cheating on their spouse, and so everyone continues to be super wrong. Unsurprisingly, a lack of honesty continues to be the cause of ire for this entire film. At this point, Cam is showering, the maid (who’s actually a writer, but not the writer) is looking for Owen (the party planner), Owen has been “seduced” by Kate and they’re in a room not really banging, and Vince is also around and so is penis guy.

This movie is practically a double feature all by itself.

All these maddening characters begin running into each other as Vince and the not-maid catch Kate and Owen, and Owen runs off without clothes and then there’s a comical and dong-filled scene with Owen and penis guy trying to hide together under a blanket. To no surprise, because things can only get worse, the actual author Vince is trying to convince to sign with him shows up. This movie is wild, but on a deeper level its actually a really intense and well written farce. There’s lots of door slamming and mistaken identity and things just running wild.

Running wild is one way to put it.

I think I’m finally starting to understand this movie. Vince pretends to be Ben, Kate pretends to be Cam, Cam pretends to be Kate, Owen pretends to be Vince, and Ben pretends to be Owen. It’s actually a pretty brilliant scene. Too bad it doesn’t last that long and we have to continue on with learning about relationship issues. We also get some more dong from penis guy, so I guess there’s that. Honestly, between the complex farce and the amount of penis this movie pretends it doesn’t have, this movie is throwing me right for a loop.

These are the tamest photos from this movie I swear.

Luckily, there’s some more crazy things that happen wherein the Craig’slist ladies return, and the important writer discovers penis man, the craigslist ladies, actual Ben, and actual Vince all together doing some wacky sex game (some of whom are there on accident) and the important writer, actual Kate and actual Cam leave them for the special party. Actual Owen then helps actual Vince sneak in to the party to win everyone back onto his side while actual Ben does…I’m not sure. Steals a tiny boat to crash the party? This movie continues to get more nuts.

Crazier than this somehow.

Everything begins to resolve at the famous/infamous party, as we discover penis guy is actually the son of the media mogul (who is throwing the party). Ben and Kate finally begin to understand each other without the yelling, though including one catfight between the not-maid and Kate, Vince and Cam make up, Owen and the important author hookup, and even penis guy ends up getting laid. Everything wraps up in a super nice bow and it’s all worked out so, so well.

Even the craigslist girls got something, I guess.

This movie was wild, and that’s an understatement. It was actually kind of a brilliant farce when you get down to it. There’s so much that happens and it comes at you really fast, so if you’re not prepared then you’ll get overwhelmed. That being said, my words don’t really do justice as to how the film really is, and despite the craziness, I had some good laughs. So, to the treasure pile with you 10 Rules for Sleeping Around.

Maybe a little less penis next time though.