Trash or Treasure – Volume 17 – Nic Cage Month #4

Trash or Treasure: Volume 17/Nic Cage Month #4 – Inconceivable

Welcome back to Trash or Treasure where it is the final week of Nic Cage Month. For this, the final week, we took a page from Vizzini’s playbook and watched 2017’s Inconceivable, because I enjoy how hard I have to try to spell the word. This Netflix bound movie, starring Faye Dunaway and one former WWE Diva, is about Nic Cage and his wife who are involved in a complicated plot involving conceiving children. I can tell this is a movie because someone is trying to conceive a child with Nic Cage, so let’s forge on into what I’m sure won’t be a waste of time.

This film opens with a lot of logos, so let’s not let that deter us despite how many times our hopes are brought up and then squashed by some production company’s name. The film actually opens with one of the worst sounds in the world: a baby crying. This baby’s mother comes to console it and mentions something about having to leave. Then suddenly a man enters the house, who is her husband maybe? He starts to choke her, she stabs him with a kitchen knife, and that fucking baby continues to cry.

If the amount of baby crying noises per minute keeps up,
This is gonna be a long movie.

Luckily, a title screen saves us and cuts to Nic Cage jogging through the park (or his backyard, it’s not totally clear). We see that Nic Cage has a family and a four year old daughter (Cora), and that him and his wife are doctors. There’s some sappy romance stuff, there’s a dumb debate about Prince’s “Purple Rain”, and some even more pointless banter. Nic Cage’s wife (Angela) meets a girl named Katie and her child Maddie while at the park, and then some unnamed lady shows up and says some weird stuff and some more banter and god dammit when does the action of this movie start? Someone literally got stabbed in the first two minutes of this movie and now I’m listening to motherly banter.

“Ha ha ha, kids kids kids” – The screenplay’s depiction of moms

The three ladies have some maybe expositional, definitely wine-induced chatter while their kids play. It all seems very inconsequential, though we discover that Katie has some ice blue eyes, but only in this scene. This film’s action keeps jumping all over the place, which is what makes it feel so inconsequential; they’re talking, then they’re talking somewhere else, then they’re talking somewhere else. Very suddenly they’re at a Memorial Day barbecue with some friends and then suddenly we’re past that and their making some other jokes or something.

I guess it’s inconceivable that something real actually happens in this film.

Luckily some exposition jumps in and we learn that Katie is the stabby woman from the beginning of the film. We start to get some insight into Katie’s past relationship with stabbed guy, and we also learn about Angela’s miscarriage issues. The film really starts to pile it on after tricking you with all the banter. Angela also mentions that she’s pregnant as we see that Katie’s pretend ice blue eyes are because she uses contacts to hide her identity. This film would be a whole lot more interesting if we took out the Nic Cage marriage part of this film.

Though it’d be a lot less Nic Cage-y then.

We jump suddenly to Angela having another miscarriage, and at this point I guess Katie lives with them. She seems to be present in some very intimate, homey moments, so let’s say she lives there. Turns out she doesn’t live there, but is invited to live there, and fuck this movie’s banter makes this all confusing. Nic Cage’s mother is told about all this and is suspicious of Katie, if only for the reason to cause tension (expositionally explained through banter, of course). There’s some more stuff, but I’m just gonna fast forward to the part where Katie skinny dips in the pool while Nic Cage watches because it’s a whole lot more interesting.

And not just because reasons.

We skip ahead to Angela coming home from work to find Katie sleeping with what turns out to be unnamed friend from earlier. Because this is a movie though, Angela thinks Katie is sleeping with Nic Cage, even though unnamed girl is a tan woman and Nic Cage is…well, Nic Cage. Luckily, this plot point is resolved really quickly when Katie explains this to Angela. I guess this is a real world way of people handling a problem, but I still don’t know where the conflict in this movie is. We then learn that Angela and Nic Cage are going to have another child like their current one (who came from a donor) but this time they’re going to ask unnamed girl to be the surrogate. This seems all fun and great (and inconsequential) until we discover that the donor is Katie.

What? A plot in this film?

We learn about stuff involving kidnapping and donor eggs, and then Katie dressed only in her underwear kills unnamed woman and drowns her in a lake. Honestly, I’d like to explain it all but it’s very confusing. Katie donated her eggs, but thinks that the parents do a bad job, so she tries to keep the kids for herself (which is how she got Maddie). Also, Nic Cage’s mom suspects all of this simply because plot reasons, and also suspects unnamed woman (Linda I guess?) and Katie were sleeping together, because not just plot, but because she’s a psychic I suppose.

A psychic? Inconceivable!

Anyways, Katie, who has kept up a good ruse up to this point, starts to show her protectiveness, creating some suspiciousness in Angela, to move the plot along. Katie also goes to a doctor’s appointment and has some flashbacks to her traumatic last doctor’s appointment where we learn that the three eggs that are central plot points to this film were her last three eggs. DUN DUN DUN. Just kidding, it’s not that much of a plot twist. I barely understand what’s happening because it feels like this film just throws eggs around like its the White House Easter Egg hunt and Peter Faberge is president.

Deep cut for you egg fans out there.

Angela begins to quarrel with Katie about their plans for the future child, and we get a flashback to Katie murdering the mother of Maddie. Katie accuses Angela of being a drug addict, and so Angela begins to snoop around in Katie’s stuff while she’s out and discovers, surprise! Katie’s fucking off her rocker. There’s a long sequence of snooping and people accusing each other, but honestly the best part is when Nic Cage says to his mom “still kicking ass?” and she responds with “sure am”.

More like hell fucking yeah.

Things start to get tense now as Angela accuses Katie of murdering Linda, and her marriage with Nic Cage starts to fall apart. Smartly, instead of apologizing like unreasonable Nic Cage wants, Angela does some more snooping and finds some more evidence of Katie’s deception, before fake apologizing to give her a false sense of security and continuing to snoop. I’d complain about the amount of snooping in this movie, but it’s better than the banter from the beginning, so I’ll let it go. Things are building towards a dramatic and exciting conclusion I can tell, but my favorite part is definitely incredibly oblivious Nic Cage. I’m not sure he even read his script or knew what was going on.

Then again, that IS the Nic Cage way.

Things start to come to a head (finally) when Angela gives Nic Cage’s brother a cup with Katie’s saliva and Cora’s saliva. At the same time, Katie has drugged Angela and Angela starts to accuse Katie of all the things (that she actually did) at a surprise baby shower. Katie confronts Angela and confesses to everything before stabbing her own stomach in an attempt to get Angela out of the picture. They scuffle and Angela gets stabbed in the stomach, and later at the hospital Nic Cage discovers that Angela was actually telling the truth about everything.

In retrospect, he could’ve been a better husband.

Katie then has an emergency c-section (you know because of the stabbing) and while she’s out, Nic Cage calls the cops. Katie is arrested, Angela ends up okay, and all seems to be well again. Nic Cage, Angela, Maddie, Cora, and little baby live happily ever after while Katie is committed to a high security mental institution for the rest of her life. It’s as happy as it gets I suppose. It’s hard to think what the happiest ending could be, so let’s just say this is it.

At least Nic Cage doesn’t die in this movie.

This movie was actually fairly interesting once I got into it. Despite the high percent of banter and snooping, and how completely over the top happy the ending is (except for Katie), I suppose I’d recommend this movie. It was better than Outcast to say the least, plus it has more nudity than the past three Nic Cage movies combined. So there you have it, our first ever Nic Cage Month at Trash or Treasure completed. If you liked it, let us know on social media @theskillfloor twitter and on Facebook.

Or, if you hated it, at least it’s over.