For this week’s article I watched 2016’s Hot Bot. This movie, ,like so many American Pie knock-offs involves two teenage boys trying to have sex. The gimmick of this particular movie, is that it involves them trying to have sex with a robot. Hot Bot adds a special twist though, and the robot the two boys encounter is actually stolen from a high ranking government official. Hijinks ensue, the boys learn a lesson, and everything is right in the end (or as right as you could possibly feel after watching this movie).
Much like last week’s hilarious trucker dialogue from Zombeavers, this film draws you in with its opening scene. Unlike Zombeavers, this movie opens with a news reporter interviewing one of the sex robots, who begins to give him a blowjob on live television. It’s got far more shock value than the Zombeavers opening, but gets basically the same effect in the end. It took me by surprise but in the end it’s exactly what I expected from the NR comedy section of Netflix. Following a brief scene showing a state senator (played by the once respectable Larry Miller) ordering one of the erotic machines, we cut to our two heroes: Limus “Huff” Huffington and Leonard “Nard” Stupenski.
Points for originality.
The two teenagers work at a shitty little fast food place in their hometown in middle America, as teenagers do. We are quickly introduced to a girl who will probably end up going out with Huff by the end of the movie (because cliche) and her douchey-boyfriend who drives a hot red, must-be-popular in high school car. At this point we’re also introduced to the most entertaining line in the movie when Huff and Nard’s boss calls them both “failed fucking abortions”, which is by far the scariest thing I could imagine being called.
Here’s some kittens.
You didn’t think I’d have a picture of THAT did you?
Interspersed with the inane insults Huff and Nard receive, we see the two government agents who are transporting the hot bot to the Senator. They lose the robot in a car accident, and the hot bot is found later by Huff and Nard who accidentally hit the robot with their Geo Metro. Unexpectedly, I managed to watch movies two weeks in a row where someone gets hit by a vehicle.
I want to take a moment of silence at this point for Larry Miller’s career. Seriously, he went from 10 Things I Hate About You and Pretty Woman to literally talking to his own penis in this trainwreck of a teen movie. I won’t include a picture of that scene for what should be obvious reasons.
From this point on, the movie becomes a slog for your mind to process. The hot bot, who Nard and Huff just think is a dead girl (which they panic not enough about), mysteriously disappears in the middle of the night from Huff’s bed, only to be found in the shower. We as a viewer then get to experience Huff’s awkward attempt to have sex with the hot bot, which luckily ends with the robot shutting down before they get anywhere. Because Nard and Huff have made irresponsible choices in life, they take the robot to a local black market sex shop run by their porn-mustache-having adult friend.
Actually, he looks like one of the truckers from Zombeavers.
The boys, following Benny the creepy sex shop owner’s assistance, fully activate Bardot the hot bot and take her on a shopping montage while the feds are hot on their tail (but not too on their tail). We get to experience some more awkward scenes involving Huff dancing with the robot, hiding her in his sister’s playhouse, and subsequently falling in love with the robot, though we get to experience Huff telling his mom she’s a “cockblock”. If you love feeling awkward and cringing this movie should be top of your watch list. Seriously, at one point Nard talks to his professor about how to lubricate a robot’s vagina.
The answer is about as disappointing as this movie.
The movie continues the cringefest all the way through. This includes such sequences as Huff’s little sister teaching Bardot about religion, Huff and Nard taking Bardot to an arcade (where they run into douchebag and actual love interest), and the most uncomfortable scene I’ve ever seen involving the federal agents interrogating Billy using sex toys.
No jokes here, just more kittens.
Once your discomfort wears away, you find yourself in the middle of a high speed car chase. Hot Bot up to this point does a decent, not great, job of hiding itself as a maybe decent movie. Sure, you see the downfall of Larry Miller and you have to wash yourself with bleach three times following the interrogation scene, but you might be having an okay time at this point. The car chase and following police stand-off at a motel scene, where Huff confesses his love to Bardot (somehow including a Last Supper joke), is where I realized that Hot Bot was truly a movie worthy of Trash or Treasure.
Or at least this part of it…
The Senator visits Huff in bed and convinces him to return Bardot to him through a very creepy masturbation monologue that ends with a kiss, and Huff’s chance at love with the sexy AI seems lost, despite Bardot’s martial arts knowledge. Then the movie really jumps off of a trash cliff when Huff, Nard, and Benny break Bardot out of the Senator’s mansion and put her on a flight to who knows where using Huff’s dad’s frequent flier miles. Then Huff and love interest get together and they drive off in what turns out to be her hot red car into the Colorado sunset.
The most unrealistic part of the movie is that a teenager owns this.
This film is, quite frankly, a very uncomfortable movie to watch through. Between the extreme vulgarity employed only for shock factor, actors like Donald Faison, Angela Kinsey, and Anthony Anderson having their careers destroyed, you’ll find yourself in a sad movie. If you’re looking for an dumb teen flick to satisfy yourself, avoid Hot Bot at all costs, and watch something else.
Both faces express my feelings on this piece of cinema.